But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
