it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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