He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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