her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
