That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize