...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
