Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
