btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
