I think im going to throw up on grandma
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
love makes seman taste better
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize