I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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