Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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