If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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