upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
