mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
