Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize