i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
