so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
