I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
