How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
