I wish I could punch you in the face.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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