i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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