trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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