We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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