Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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