NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
they need to just BURY HIM!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
