Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
