When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
