I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
