Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
