What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
