If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want nice things and good sex
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
