Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
