Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
