So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
