He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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