he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
