never play flip cup with pint glasses
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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