so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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