Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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