I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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