Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
