You did not just play the dead husband card again.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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