I smell stomach acid.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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