i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
