It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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