i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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