If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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