bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
