Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
