i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
