I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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