On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize