Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
