We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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