Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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