The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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