he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize