Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
