so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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