Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
