You're completely useless in the revolution.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
