I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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