I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
