She just used a chaser for red wine.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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