i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize