He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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