You made me cry and you don't even care
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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