I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
