Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
