uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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