Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
