The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also, beer. Big fan.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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