I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize