I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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