remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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