tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
