What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
