Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
