I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
