I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
