guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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