dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize