Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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