u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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