You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
