You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
