When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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