____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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