Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize