We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
