Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
