just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
