never play flip cup with pint glasses
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
