she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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